Caring Comes First

6yo noticed a pattern in his chess games; his rating drops on weekends; and decided he wouldn't play over the weekend anymore.

I told him it might be because, during the week, he has more variety in his activities and that helps him play more carefully than when he spends the whole day on chess. He agreed and suggested adding some math over the weekend, “but easy ones!”

Then I realized I’d made a mistake. Instead of asking why he thinks that happens or how he could test it, I jumped in with my own explanation. For someone who always advocates letting kids think for themselves, it was a humbling reminder of how easy it is to fall into the “I know the answer, let me tell you” trap.

It also made me wonder: what made his experience so conducive to reflection?

My hypothesis is that two things mattered: a clear signal (winning, losing, and seeing his rating change) and caring about that signal.

That caring, in his case, comes from wanting to play stronger opponents, and on chess.com, your rating determines who you’re matched with.

So maybe feedback alone doesn’t lead to growth. It’s caring about that feedback and wanting to get better that triggers noticing and reflection.

At its core, learning comes down to one thing: real motivation, i.e. caring enough to notice, reflect, and take action.

P.S. His hypotheses are getting more plausible too; a year ago, I was hearing things like, “We always eat this food on sunny days!” :)